Today I met a woman who just lost her child two weeks ago. She came into the office and my coworker unwittingly asked how her babies were doing. The woman responded, "The oldest is four and...we lost one two weeks ago." I was speechless and near tears the rest of the afternoon. She was coming in to get contacts because she thought it would be easier to deal with everything than if she was wearing glasses. It's difficult to see when your glasses are fogged up with tears....but did you know that contacts accumulate protein deposits much more rapidly when you cry a lot?

I just thought, "What would I ever do if lost my precious baby? What if it was my fault that he died?" You hear stories of mom's who deviate from their routine or are so frazzled that they forget their babies in the car. How does life ever go on when something like that happens?

What a difference just a short time makes. A year ago, I was 4 months pregnant, and barely showing. A year before that, I had just met the man who would become my husband. At that time, I very much did as pleased; even though I had been with boyfriends for years, it was just never that serious. They were never the guy I could see myself raising a family with and growing old. But because I couldn't fathom marriage and children, it just didn't matter if I stayed with them or not.

But now. Now, my whole world is completely my husband and our baby (and our dog, too!) Sure, I wish I could finish school and bake full time. But I think that time will come all too soon: the time when Taki and his future siblings no longer need me full time, because they have their school and friends and activities. I cringe at the thought when will Taki struggle to break free of my embrace because he is 'a big boy', too big to cuddle with mama. So now, I try to journal and blog to capture the emotions, and take copious picture and scrapbook them to keep those picture in my mind crisp and clear. Already, I look at pictures from six months ago, and he's so DIFFERENT.

Right now, we are trying to get him to sit up, crawl, hold his own bottle, and pick up cheerios to put in his mouth. All steps to necessary independence and away from us. This week I finally made the almost heartbreaking decision to start weaning him. But I'm glad it will be a slow process because he still loves to cuddle with mama, especially at bedtime.